This month, we're going to explore something that tends to operate outside of our awareness, influences much of what we feel, think, and do in our day-to-day lives, and can generate a lot of unnecessary suffering:
Thinking traps.
Thinking traps are patterns of distorted thinking that can lead to uncomfortable emotions and seemingly unhelpful behaviors. Understanding these traps can help us become more aware of our relationship with our inner and outside worlds.
Something that's often unaccounted for in understanding thinking traps is that hey all have a positive intention. These "uncomfortable emotions and seemingly unhelpful behaviors" are actually in service of us, meaning they have a really good reason, albeit implicitly, for showing up. Understanding what that reason(s) is would require further exploration, which is an important part of the coaching experience.
These thinking traps deserve our attention, curiosity and compassion. It's our responsibility to give it to them.
By the end of this Vulnerabold share you'll be able to recognize common thinking traps and learn how to better understand them, perhaps appreciate them, and reframe them in ways that reduces suffering and increases our sense of calm and peace.
As you move through this exploration, I encourage you to provide yourself ample patience, curiosity, and compassion. You'll be amazed what you'll come to see.
Let's get started!
What are thinking traps?
Thinking traps are cognitive distortions, ways that the mind and body makes sense of and categorizes information based on prior experiences. They often lead to thinking in a 'negative' way, often without us even realizing it. These distorted thought patterns can lead to unnecessary stress, anxiety, depression, and frustration.
The good news? Once we become aware of these traps, we can start to change our thinking and improve our emotional responses.
Types of thinking traps
There are multiple types of thinking traps. We're going to focus on some of the most commonly experienced ones:
All-or-Nothing Thinking: This is when you see things in black-and-white terms. For example, thinking "If I don't do this perfectly, I'm a failure" or "Everything is ruined because of one mistake."
Overgeneralization: Drawing broad conclusions based on a single incident. For instance, "I didn't get the job—I'll never be successful."
Catastrophizing: Expecting the worst-case scenario or viewing a situation as far worse than it is. For example, thinking, "If I fail this test, my entire future is ruined."
Mental Filtering: Focusing only on the negative aspects of a situation, ignoring the positives. For example, "I did well in this meeting, but I stumbled once, so the whole thing was a disaster."
Jumping to Conclusions: Making assumptions without sufficient evidence, like assuming someone is angry at you without them saying anything.
Emotional Reasoning: Believing that because you feel something, it must be true. For instance, "I feel worthless, so I must be worthless."
Should Statements: Holding yourself or others to unrealistic standards with thoughts like, "I should always be happy," or "I should never make mistakes." With these statements, there's often an implicit expectation or perceived consequence that 'supports' it.
Why do we step into thinking traps?
If you're like me, you're asking the question, "What is the evolutionary purpose for humans to have an inner system that creates thinking traps?"
Our brains are wired to be efficient and to take shortcuts when processing information. This is known as cognitive bias, and it's how our brains conserve energy and make quick assessments and predictions. However, these shortcuts don't always lead to the most accurate or helpful thinking, as they're linked to situations and experiences from long, long ago, when our capacities, capabilities, and inner resources were limited an unavailable.
For example, when we experience stress, our brains tend to focus on the negative because our ancestors needed to pay attention to threats in their environment. And, as a kid, we may have learned that it's best to been seen and not heard, or that you'll never be good enough for your parents expectation of you. As a kid, these heavy decisions felt necessary, and perhaps were in that time of life. Unfortunately, we carry this bias into modern-day life, and it can lead to thinking traps.
How do thinking traps impact us?
Thinking traps can have a huge impact on our lives. Here’s how they can affect us:
Increased Anxiety: Trapping ourselves in catastrophic thinking can create unnecessary worry and anxiety.
Lower Self-Esteem: Thoughts like “I’m a failure” or “I’ll never succeed” can erode self-confidence over time.
Negative Relationships: Jumping to conclusions or filtering out positives can affect how we perceive others and damage relationships.
Reduced Problem-Solving Ability: When we fall into these traps, it’s harder to think clearly and logically, which can make problems feel insurmountable.
Exercises to attend to thinking traps.
Now that we know what thinking traps are and how they affect us, let’s talk about how to address them. Here are some strategies to help:
Awareness: The first step is recognizing when you’re falling into a thinking trap. In addition to the thought itself, build your awareness around the felt-sense that accompanies it.
Acceptance: Be kind to yourself as you explore this. Know that this thinking trap was formed decades ago and at its core, is so very well intended.
Curiosity: When you notice negative or extreme thoughts, pause and ask yourself: "Hmmm, is wonder what situation in my early life was the source of this?" "Can I find show kindness towards that part of me that created this thinking trap?" "Can I be absolutely certain this thinking trap is true?" "Is there any part of me that DOESN'T believe it's true?"
Compassionately Challenge: With self-compassion, dispute the thought caught in the thinking trap, three times. Utilize the following phrase and finish the sentence:
"This thought is inaccurate because [----------].
"This thought is ALSO inaccurate because [----------].
"This thought is ALSO inaccurate because [----------].
It's critical that we do this exercise free from the feelings and thoughts of self-judgment. I've found it helpful to have a picture of my 3-10 year old self with me as I've done explored this exercise. Remember, all of these thoughts and thinking traps are in service of SOMETHING deep with us.
Summary
To recap, thinking traps are distorted ways of thinking that can negatively impact our emotions and behavior. Common thinking traps include all-or-nothing thinking, overgeneralization, catastrophizing, and others. By becoming aware of these traps and challenging them, we can improve our mental well-being and respond to life’s challenges with more balance and clarity.
Remember: These thoughts are not always facts. These thoughts are more often than not in service of something so they're deserving of our attention, curiosity, and compassion. Most importantly, we have the capability to understand, engage, and adapt them!
Test your understanding of thinking traps
Which of the following is an example of all-or-nothing thinking?
A. "I made one mistake, but the presentation went well overall."
B. "I made one mistake, so the entire presentation was a failure."
What is mental filtering?
A. Only seeing the positives and ignoring the negatives.
B. Focusing only on the negatives and ignoring the positives.
Which of these is an example of emotional reasoning?
A. "I feel anxious, so I must be in danger."
B. "I feel anxious, but it’s just a temporary emotion."
What can you do to challenge thinking traps?
A. Ignore your negative thoughts.
B. Reframe your thoughts and use evidence to challenge them.
Question 1 answer
Question 2 answer
Question 3 answer
Question 4 answer
Thank you for choosing to explore thinking traps!
I hope you now have a better understanding of thinking traps and how to challenge them. Remember, awareness is the first step to changing your thought patterns. By practicing these strategies with curiosity and compassion, you can break free from these cognitive distortions and develop a healthier mindset.
If you'd like to learn more about thinking traps, I suggest reading "The Resilience Factor" by Karen Reivich and Andrew Shatté. I read this book back in 2012 and it's contents have stayed with me since.
If you have any questions or would like to explore further, feel free to ask!
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